Are White Men More Expressive?

Yesterday I rode the bus in to work, something I like to do in the summertime when the weather is blazin' and New Yorkers are taking a break from their usual rudeness to stop, smile and take their time in getting where they need to go; a vast difference from the hustle and bustle of the herds of people in the winter. Looking out the window on the corner of 79th Street and 5th Avenue, I saw a couple, a white couple, standing at the corner waiting to cross the street. Something about them caught my eye and I was hypnotized by the love they were exuding. Cars whizzed past them and nothing seemed to move the stance they were in; the young girl smiling, talking and looking up at her beau who was standing in front of her holding her hand moving her hair from the front of her face, placing it behind her ear so gently, so lovingly as his facial expression never budged from his interest in what she was saying to him.

I felt like I had stepped onto the set of Nicolas Sparks' The Notebook and Alley and Noah stood before me, this is how into each other they were. As the bus moved down 5th Avenue I couldn't seem to peel my eyes off of them, watching how in love this man was with this woman and had no problem in publicly expressing it. I watched them until I couldn't anymore. I had a thought and even whispered to myself, "Why don't I see more black men doing that with their women?" It seems that there is a certain machismo about black men, they have an image to uphold and getting pink publicly, at least the way this white guy on the Upper East side had with his woman, is breaking the "code of conduct". Don't get me wrong, I know there are brothas who are publicly affectionate, but not the way most women are or would like to be, at least in my opinion. Even in my own relationship, I have a very affectionate man who I know loves me and would move heaven and earth to get to me if I needed him, but I can't recall ever seeing him publicly raw about his love for me. Holding my hand and kissing me, yes; but not gazing into my eyes moving my hair from my face and making me feel like I'm a character out of a Danielle Steel novel, unless we were alone and I catch a rare moment of him willingly being vulnerable.

The other day I was leaving for work from his house and we kissed, as we always do, before I leave. He looked at me in a way that is unexplainable, but it spoke volumes. His eyes said, "I am so in love with you, but he couldn't bring himself to open up and verbalize it to me. I stared back at him and we conversed silently through our body language. He caught me catching him melt in that split second and immediately broke his trace. He crossed his eyes, made a funny face and in a weird overly dramatic tone said, "I'm SO in love with you" and then laughed it off to break his embarrassment for getting caught. Why though? Even in private, he couldn't bring himself to embody Noah's character and express himself freely, the way some may say a woman would. I'm still confused as to why he wouldn't, even in knowing that he loves me and confesses it to me, expresses it to me in his own way, but getting pink is "bitchassness", at least to him, I think.

I'm sure if my man witnessed the love I saw in this couple yesterday he probably would have responded by saying, "He's a bitch" even though he, himself, can relate to the emotion. Why is it that Caucasian men are more in tune with and expressive of their emotions than black men are? A question, after seeing a real life Alley and Noah, I'm now pondering.

Can Dark Girls Wear Bright Lips?

Lipstick, in my opinion, is one of the best accessories to fashion there is. Depending on the color, all brights are my personal favorites, it adds life to your face and ups the anty on your swagger. I'm a medium, brown skinned girl and I've been told, "Trudi, you can get get away with wearing certain colors because of your complexion" or "Girl, those bright colors look good on you, but I'm too dark for that." I never really understood this last comment because I think the darker the skin the feistier and brighter the lip should be. I long for the summer, the only time I can truly tan in the sun and become a couple of shades browner than what I am. The first thing I go reaching for is either my Morange or Impassioned MAC lipsticks to truly show off my tan; but for the sistahs who are naturally the color I'm trying to reach they reject these brights out of fear of looking ridiculous or drawing more attention to a complexion it took them years to accept, although some still haven't.

Today, I met a woman who had skin the color of an Almond Joy candy bar and she was dressed in all white, another one of my favorite combos (all white against dark skin, delicious), who admitted to recently becoming comfortable with wearing bright colored lipstick. Our conversation started off with the price of some vintage pants I was interested in, that she happened to be selling, and it snowballed into fashion, our creative and artistic streaks and makeup. She told me and my girlfriend, who was with me, that she had finally found an amazing hot pink lipstick that took her forever to be comfortable in wearing, "I love this lipstick, it gives me such confidence when I wear it." And she took it out of her bag to reapply. Immediately my girlfriend, who is another chocolate beauty, excitedly inquired about the brand and the color. I could see that in seeing this bright color on another woman who is her same complexion, gave her the audacity to dare and try to do the same thing.

Sharing makeup tips and different shades of lipsticks, I told our "new friend" to go out and try a variety of oranges. I gave her the names, bands and numbers to each tube, practically being the spokes person for each makeup company the lipsticks belonged to. And even in my matter-of-fact and convincing tone, I could tell that she was a little skeptical to be so daring. "An ex-boyfriend told me that colors didn't look good on me so I never wore them." After getting rid of him I guess she proved to herself, with the help of Makeup Forever, that one particular color did look good on her and she now wears it with pride. But what about all the other dark skinned sistahs in this world who have been told the same ignorant things by loved ones or even strangers that their skin is too dark or that a certain shade doesn't look good on them? How much convincing will it take for those, who aren't confident enough to pull off a bold lip, to step out of their comfort zone and enter the world of reds, hot pinks, bright oranges, fuchsia and barbie pinks?

I don't know what the answer to that is, but I do know that black people, as a race, have to do better in building each other up instead of putting each other down about how dark or light we are. We come in a an array of colors, a rainbow coalition of beauty that has the right to dare to be bright!

The Love I Lost Was The Best Thing I Never Had...

Recently I went home, Los Angeles, to visit my family and to celebrate a friend getting married in the upcoming months. Every time I go home I have a different experience and I'm open to whatever comes my way. Sometimes the experiences are good and others times not so good, but this particular visit made me appreciate my life and the man I have in it. I stopped by my second mother's home, who is actually the mother of my high school love, to catch up and spend some quality time with her. We've remained close over the years and she is family, how could I not stop by to see her? Once I walk in her house I'm greeted with hugs and kisses by both her and her granddaughter, the oldest of four.

As I'm holding an adult conversation with this nine year old chocolate beauty, I flashback to the year 2002, when her mother was pregnant with her. There I was, living next door to an ex-boyfriend who I was still very much in love with, but hid it through minimal eye contact and nonchalant behavior. Everyday I'd sneak a glimpse of this young girl waddle past my bedroom window and down the steps, dying inside knowing with every fiber of my body that God had made the biggest mistake of all time, allowing this girl to have his child and not me. Unspeakable thoughts would roam through my head and I regretted taking the apartment right next door to him. I fooled myself into thinking I could handle the situation and it was a great opportunity to finally leave the nest and live on my own, but at the cost of what? My sanity?

I gazed into this little girl's eyes smiling at the way she spoke and how engaged she was in me and our conversation. This little girl, who I didn't even want to be here at one point, was laughing and talking with me, in awe of Trudi, Daddy's high school girlfriend who now lives in New York. She told me about her two sisters and new little brother all made by daddy, but with different mothers. She didn't seem to question why her siblings weren't with her mommy and daddy, all she knew was that she was the oldest of the three and she loved it.

As she went down the list describing the personalities of each little person all I could think was, "THANK. YOU. GOD!" One of those women could have been me and I'd be stuck, here, living a life that isn't to my full potential. There was a picture that sat in the living room of him and his three girls, adorable and loving this picture was, but that life still couldn't be mine. Again, I thought back to 2002 and how angry I was with God. I had a plan with this man, which was to have a Love and Basketball happy ending, but that's kind of hard to do when there are multiple children involved with various women. Thank GOD! Thank God I had sense enough and the courage to leave that life behind, wishful thinking that I accepted wouldn't be my reality and literally moved away and on with my life.

I was trying to put words to the gratitude I felt toward God in leading me into the life I was meant to live and with the person, at this very moment, I am supposed to be living it with. A man who has a stable career, is loving, affectionate, is proud of the women he has, childless and above all is a MAN. Yesterday, as I rode through the streets of New York in my drop top blasting Beyonce's new single, I wholeheartedly sang along with her, thinking of this man who I just knew I was meant to be with. "Thank God you blew it. I think God I dodged a bullet, I'm so over you so baby good lookin' out. I wanted you bad, I'm so through with that cuz honestly you turned out to be the BEST THING I NEVER HAD...And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had."