My Date With the City...

Had to snap this one of a kind vintage MCM bag!

The Transition

The older I get I'm finding that life is about change, not staying in the same place. My life is constantly changing and it isn't always comfortable, but necessary.  We go through transitional phases at times, trying to find answers to questions that plague us.  I'm in a transitional phase now; I'm faced to make a decision that is best for me, one that I can live with, not regret and be happy about.

When I met him I was transitioning from anger into acceptance and independence. I had left a relationship where I had been lied to, cheated on and mistreated.  It was refreshing to have met someone who shared my same drive and with whom I was equally yoked.  I was most attracted to his morals, compassion, independence, work ethic and honesty, but his passion for me entangled me like a fly in a spider's web.  I had just moved into my new apartment, reveling in the sanctuary I was creating for myself; I worked two jobs and long fourteen hour days and was determined to live comfortably on my own in Manhattan.

After realizing I'd found the man I was intended to be with, I approached our relationship with the same drive and determination, pushing him out of his stubborn ways into areas he hadn't wanted to explore emotionally and he would in turn do the same with me.  He'd push and I'd push back, we'd find a happy medium, rest for a while and to avoid complacency I'd jump up ready to move forward and the tug of war would start all over again, but for different reasons.  We were transitioning from one obstacle to another, prevailing, and it gave us a sense of accomplishment.  But what happens when you've pushed through the minor and painful things in a relationship only to be led to the root of the problem, the thing that the two people are fighting against most?  Do you keep pushing or stare at the situation hoping for it to change on its own?

I started out pushing myself to be better and then pushing my man to be better, but now we are pushing to be better as a couple and it isn't so easy.  We're in the transitional phase of letting go of things that may hold us back from our ultimate goal, marriage and building a family.  I've discovered that he has a lot more things to let go of than I do and I'm faced with the petrifying decision of how to make my next transition...

    

New York's Hook-Up

Usually I don't give guys the time of day, primarily because I am in a relationship, but living in New York, I just don't have the time to stop and talk to every person who may approach me and the way most guys make their advances is downright rude. "Psss, psss, Ma..." or yelling "Damn!" when walking past. But on last Friday in Soho I was taken aback by the simplicity of one man's approach as he walked beside me, "You're very pretty." He said it with such a noncommittal expression. It was short, simple and nice, a vast difference from the men I encounter hanging out of windows or yelling from across the street to get my attention.

He introduced himself and told me he was a singer, "What kind of music do you like? I'm a male version of Sade." Although I was pleased with his manners, I was still ready to shoot him down, tell him I had a man and continue my mission in Soho until I saw that he just wanted to engage in conversation. There were no ulterior motives behind our chat, but rather like minds that had been summons together by the universe. I spoke to a perfect stranger for over an hour; we talked about God, faith, relationships and New York. I was intrigued by his conversation and knowledge. He had an energy that was palpable and strong; I liked it, it reminded me of mine.

After exchanging emails, we made several attempts to end our conversation, but one of us would either say something or quote someone that would draw our talk out longer. In this conversation he said things like, "It's about growth", "If I cry that means I didn't believe" and "My life is beautiful". It was a breath of fresh air to converse with someone who had such optimism, wisdom and was open about certain things in his life with me, a perfect stranger. Finally we peeled ourselves from our engaging conversation and vowed to keep in touch. I was stunned at how random our introduction was and stated that right before we parted. His response was eye opening, "That's what happens when you stop..."

Why Don't Sistahs Compliment?

On more than one occasion I have stopped my conversation or even made an effort to get to a woman, especially a black woman, to compliment her on something I like about her, whether it's her hair, clothes, accessories or swagger, but it isn't likely that most black women do the same for me. Don't get me wrong, there are sistahs who have popped out of no where to ask where I've gotten something I have on or compliment me on an outfit or my hair, but I can count on one hand the number of times.



This morning as I was walking down the stairs of the subway to the D train, I spotted a woman standing on the platform. I watched her eyes start from my toes all the way up to my face and then back down again to my toes, as if she wanted me to be fully aware that she was looking me up and down. Maybe the gesture would not have been perceived as downright ugly if it were followed by a, "Girl you look nice" or "Where did you get that bag?" Instead her eyes made their way back up my body to my face where she met my reciprocated glare. Then take two happened with another sistah just steps away.



I don't get why women have to be so blatant in their disposition for someone they just lay eyes on. I kept walking down the platform as if I were on a runway for fashion week. Maybe the sway of my hips and attitude in my walk really gave them something to look at and if I was the interest that caught their eye this morning, well then I ain't mad at that...