The Transition

The older I get I'm finding that life is about change, not staying in the same place. My life is constantly changing and it isn't always comfortable, but necessary.  We go through transitional phases at times, trying to find answers to questions that plague us.  I'm in a transitional phase now; I'm faced to make a decision that is best for me, one that I can live with, not regret and be happy about.

When I met him I was transitioning from anger into acceptance and independence. I had left a relationship where I had been lied to, cheated on and mistreated.  It was refreshing to have met someone who shared my same drive and with whom I was equally yoked.  I was most attracted to his morals, compassion, independence, work ethic and honesty, but his passion for me entangled me like a fly in a spider's web.  I had just moved into my new apartment, reveling in the sanctuary I was creating for myself; I worked two jobs and long fourteen hour days and was determined to live comfortably on my own in Manhattan.

After realizing I'd found the man I was intended to be with, I approached our relationship with the same drive and determination, pushing him out of his stubborn ways into areas he hadn't wanted to explore emotionally and he would in turn do the same with me.  He'd push and I'd push back, we'd find a happy medium, rest for a while and to avoid complacency I'd jump up ready to move forward and the tug of war would start all over again, but for different reasons.  We were transitioning from one obstacle to another, prevailing, and it gave us a sense of accomplishment.  But what happens when you've pushed through the minor and painful things in a relationship only to be led to the root of the problem, the thing that the two people are fighting against most?  Do you keep pushing or stare at the situation hoping for it to change on its own?

I started out pushing myself to be better and then pushing my man to be better, but now we are pushing to be better as a couple and it isn't so easy.  We're in the transitional phase of letting go of things that may hold us back from our ultimate goal, marriage and building a family.  I've discovered that he has a lot more things to let go of than I do and I'm faced with the petrifying decision of how to make my next transition...