The wow factor of a man cheating has escaped me after I've experienced it first hand. The lesson learned from that is to never put anything past anyone, and with that in mind, if I ever encounter such a betrayal again, which I'm praying I never do, I won't be as devastated. My experience happened when I was 22 and was still trying to understand what all an adult relationship entailed; I was naive to the mindset of most men. But what happens when you have life experience under your belt, a marriage, 13 years with this man and two children? I ponder this question, trying to make sense of why someone would be willing to jeopardize all that has been invested and worked for for a night of passion or lust that can sometimes, regrettably, turn into love and complicate or even disturb a household. I recently discovered the ultimate betrayal of a friend's husband. Turns out his affair was actually a three year relationship that resulted in this mystery woman believing that they lived together and were a couple; but the killer is that she recently gave birth and my friend, "his" wife, discovered her husband's secret life through this evolving and revealing branch of knowledge we call technology. After this discovery I wondered, were there signs of this before it was exposed? How does she feel about herself after learning that her husband was sleeping with and giving himself to another woman, who when was confronted by his wife, acted as if she was an after thought or not even a thought at all. The venom and disrespect that dripped from this mystery woman's tongue into the ears of another woman, a wife and a mother who has sacrificed everything for her family and to save her marriage, was astounding.
What do you do when you're faced with having to make the decision to disrupt your life that will ultimately affect the lives directly linked to you? Do you throw your hands up and kiss your blood, sweat and tears goodbye, along with the man? Or do you try to figure out a way to live with the decision he has made that has trickled itself and reared its ugly head into your marriage, your sanctuary, your space, your mind, your soul, your being? I know some women who have said they wouldn't think twice before walking out of the door, but we all can say what we would do until we are faced with having to make a life altering decision of walking away from a marriage. My friend is choosing to work things out with her husband, but in doing so I wonder if her choice is solely on the disruption of her family or her ego; her not wanting to let the other woman "win" or to have what she has worked so hard for. Is it fear of starting all over with two kids? Lack of self-esteem? What is the real reason? Only she can answer this and having made the decision to support whatever choice she makes puts me in a position to lay low, listen and learn; learn not to judge the next woman's choices and survival tactics, but rather have my eyes open to every possibility of betrayal when I hold the title and position of wife and mother. In the meantime, I'll be a listening ear to a woman, who like the rest of us, is only trying to find her way.
Trudi
